REST IN PEACE THOMAS......

                               September 9. 1988 - March 26, 2005

~ 3 days before my Sweet Sixteen..... It wasn't so sweet after all

                                    REST IN PEACE THOMAS......

                               September 9. 1988 - March 26, 2005

~ 3 days before my Sweet Sixteen..... It wasn't so sweet after all

EAGLES - HOTEL CALIFORNIA!!!!

On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place (background)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
You can find it here
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany twisted
She's got the Mercedes bends
She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my wine
He said
We haven't had that spirit here since 1969
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely Place
Such a lovely Place (background)
Such a lovely face
They're livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise
What a nice surprise (background)
Bring your alibies

Mirrors on the ceiling
Pink champagne on ice
And she said
We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device
And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
Relax said the nightman
We are programed to recieve
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave

heres a lil poem thingy i wrote:

                         Time of Your Life

"...I'm glad you all are sitting, im afraid I don't have good news"...OK FREEZE! please dont go any further, I wish those words would've rolled off my tongue to stop the agony of having to hear the next sentence that was going to shift my life forever. He said them.. I felt like i wanted to kill him, like if he was sent from the devil to deliver pain and suffering to our happy life. He was the culprit. Can you ever imagine your life could be changed in a single moment? In the worst possible way? And now after how many months you thought "Man could this get any worse?", he real answer is yes but you though "no it can't possibly get any worse, this is just the end" that was actually just what you would say to comfort yourself , when in reality it could get worse and it has.. and you know what it still can...It's like someone kicking you in the balls and your on the grown grasping them and struggling for air, and then that thing comes up and socks you in the stomach and that gasp of air you just inhaled got puched back out and now all you have left in your lungs is expiratory reserve. The time has not yet come but the nest step is the worst it could get. It's like the last little breath is denied by the bad news and your gone. Lost in someone elses dreams, a meir memory, nothing more and nothing less. So what? The months have turned in to years and what do you have to show for it? pictures that depress? Yea right... And does time now grab you by the wrist and direct you where to go? Nope! Time grabs you by the arms and legs and tosses you into an empty space, and in that space you shape yourself into everything you are. But yes we have to make the best of this test and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time...But Wait! i hope its not a lesson learned in time because wasnt it time that left you nowhere to fight for yourself? I guess you can say that it's something unpredictable. Unpredictable because you think it'll never happen to you. Thats what you said and your right, it only happends in movies, or atleast i think it should. Okay so now you tell me... Have you had the time of your life?

just some sadness.... with some wise words of GREEN DAY!

What makes me mad is that I don't get why this happend to you... I can't believe that our prayers have still not been answered. Why? or have they in ways we cannot yet understand. All of my questioning always revolves around that one question that we all would like to know, Is there a greater power? and if so what is it? Is there a god? and if so why does he continue to do the things he does?  It all started 8 months ago, when i questioned my faith. That day i will n e v e r  f o r g e t. Probably the worst day of my life, so far... That day and just yesterday when again my faith was questioned and the little bits of pieces of my broken heart were crushed into dust so fine that the wind just blew them away... and now theres nothing left but a black hole.. a black hole that sucks everything in and has no explanation, it's a mystery where everything goes... it just gets sucked in and turned into nothing... it doesn't even bother turning into tears because the black hole sucked those up too... the moisture in my eyes is gone, it burns to keep them open... theres nothing there to relieve the pain... your my angel... why would god wanna take my angel away? doesn't he have enough? why can't this earth keep one more good thing... Although my angel is still here i wan't more... I want the to know that he will always be here, for me and for everyone who cares... It's like if he was never mynes in the first place.. we shared ourselves and what he gave me was just his body... and now i can't even see that... All I have is a telephone in which i talk to it and some voice comes out the other end, it's a tease.. it sounds like him but when i see him it's just not..... He's not the same... He's not the person I once met, but non the less i love him... even more now then ever.... It's sad because he might feel like shit, he might feel that hes not good enough, he might feel and think however he wants but I don't care if he feels like hes not good enough... hes better than most guys i know... he might feel like shit but hey so do I... so do I... i really wish i could do something about this.. but i can't and suicide is something i don't think i could come to... I'm in love with Love and even if my black hole is filled with some hate... I have to keep on living... Living loving and making the most of my time... Even though im going through all of this i think im a lucky person... Lucky to be living, lucky to be healthy, lucky to have a boyfriend and friends and family who loves me, lucky to be doing good in skool, lucky to be on drill team and doing something productive with my time... man o man how i would just luv to be able to look at you how i use to before any of this happend.......

Please let me keep my angel.....